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Mary Jo (Hart) Brust submitted this gem.
The following was sent by Ted Miller. Too funny!
Ted changed the names to reflect, and Mr Ruliard (sp)
Farmer Stevenson killed a pig and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone.
He didn't tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months.
Then another farmer, who lived down the road, came by and said, "By the way Stevenson did you ever find out who stole your pig?"
"Nope," said Farmer Stevenson . "Not until just now."
The Singing Fish
Sir: 'Hey,Bob ! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.'
Bob: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'
Sir : 'What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'
Bob 'Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a .'
Sir: 'Now listen, Bob, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.'
Bob 'That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to ?'
Only a Farm Kid...
When you're from the country ~ you look at things a little differently...
A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with ."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
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